Maxwell has taught us about love in so many ways, even before he was here on this earth. When he was just a dream.
We have loved this boy well before he was born.
His big brown eyes have always been a vision in my head drawing me to him. In the 5 years of IVF cycles and miscarriages that preceded him, Maxwell taught his mommy and daddy how to love each other. Real love. Messy and ugly moments kind of love. A love that’s not just about about red roses on Valentine’s Day and fancy dinners out. He taught us about how to have faith – in our love, in our purpose here on earth and in something higher. He showed us that it is OK to fall and fail, but what is important is that you pick each other back up again. I remember moments after we learned about our second miscarriage, Matt calmly lifted me up from where I lay crumbled and crying in hysterics on the floor, and quietly held me until I finally fell asleep. Maxwell showed us how love is patient, love is persistent, and love doesn’t go away when times are difficult. Love is faith. Love is support.
Maxwell, you have taught us that love is hope and love is dreams, but love is also being content in exactly where you are. In our moments of sorrow during our journey to Max, all I wanted was to sit with Matt on one side, our dog Landy’s head in my lap on the other, and watch movies together. That was my safe place. My place I felt love, and contentment. Where I knew all would somehow be OK. We wanted Maxwell so much, but we knew our love and our family was all that we needed. It wasn’t always pretty like a Hollywood movie or a love song, but that real, messy, chaotic love saw us through.
Maxwell has taught us that it is OK to be scared sometimes, but that you just need to have faith. When you fall you get back up, and the important part is, you don’t do it alone. Love is family. Love will be there, no matter what.
Without these life lessons, and these love lessons, we wouldn’t relish each and every moment with Maxwell the way we do now. Some moments I’m a still a frustrated mommy and want to pull my hair out, but most days, I’m just in awe. I can watch this kid put on his shoe or eat an apple and get tears in my eyes because it is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
Maxwell loves unconditionally, wholly and completely. There is nothing like when he gives us a hug with his whole heart, wrapping both of his tiny arms around what he can and holding on like there is no tomorrow. He shows us love is kind, simple and the most beautiful thing here on earth. And the only thing that really matters in the end. Just when I think I’ve got this love thing figured out, there is this whole new level of loving that happens after having a child. It comes a little bit from your heart, your gut and a piece of your soul leaves you and goes to them somehow. It is the most powerful thing I have ever felt on this earth.
I don’t think we will ever quite be able to do it justice, but I hope someday we can teach Maxwell all of those love lessons he has imparted upon us. They are a gift that can’t be quantified, so precious and rare.
I am home whenever I am with you, my boys. I love you to the moon and back, and then a little more.